I Love Lucy: The Stepford Lucy
by zooman
Summary: My story is a crossover between I Love Lucy and the Stepford Wives. After seeing the movie The Stepford Wives with Ethel, Lucy has a dream where she visits the town of Stepford back in 1952.


I Love Lucy: The Stepford Lucy

PROLOGUE-WESTPORT CONNECTICUT-1975

_It was a cold rainy. night in the house. It was way past midnight. The brown digital clock on the coffee table in front of the coffee table (the table was covered with magazines of various sorts, one of which showed a long gray haired, and bearded, grinning Ricky Ricardo on the cover, facing the camera, in a tuxedo seated alone in the middle of a dazzling looking, pink walled nightclub) showed it was one in the morning. Lucy Ricardo was walking tiredly, across the dark, yellow and green coloured (green and yellow furniture and yellow wallpaper) living room in the large house in Westport, towards the large white plush sofa at the very end of the living room. Her long, green and white dress (green on the right side, white on the other) short sleeved dress was dress was wet from the rain pouring down the windows in the living room. Lucy took off her yellow sandals as she collapsed down, exhausted, on her back on the sofa. "Oh boy," she thought to herself, as she closed her eyes and ran her hands over her long, flowing red hair. She found herself falling asleep, "I never saw a science fiction film as shocking as that one." Lucy rolled her body from side to side as sleep took her over. "Ethel and I stayed out way too late as it was," she thought to herself, beginning to doze away. From far away she heard the sounds of a motorcycle roaring by, "what with Ricky staying late at that nightclub he opened recently in partnership with Frank Sinatra...what's the name of it again? Oh yes, the Ricardo Number." Lucy rolled restlessly around on the sofa, her eyes closed tight as she was falling into a deep sleep. "Ethel and I felt we deserved a girl's night out," Lucy thought to herself, as she rolled over on her stomach, snoring a little bit. "Ever since Fred passed away, and with her second hubby Travis always away on business somewhere's, Ethel gets really lonely it seems. She has nothing to do all day long." The lines and creases all over Lucy's sixty something year old features, became much deeper as Lucy began snoring loudly in her now deep slumber. "Ethel and I thought we'd have girl's night out...first at a male strip show in that one sleazy bar," Lucy thought to herself dreamily as she smiled in a goofy kind of way,"then we go to see that newest science fiction movie The Stepford Wives. What a creepy film that was." Lucy's snoring became even louder and deeper, "a town where the women are replaced by robots by their husbands. Not likely." Lucy lay perfectly still, sound asleep on the white plush sofa on her stomach. "That one comic who performs occasionally in Ricky's club, Gary, it seems he's got a bit of a crush on me," Lucy thought to herself as she dug her face more heavily into the pillow on the sofa. The living room was filled with the loud sounds of her snoring. "The men in the town of Stepford replaced their wives with lookalike robots," the sixty something red head, thought to herself as her hands grasped the white plush of the sofa, tightly in her sleep, "that actress, Katherine Ross, was very convincing as a young wife terrified of what's going on. Mabey I should read the book sometime?" Lucy snored even louder in her now deep sleep._

ACT ONE-NEW YORK CITY-1952

The gray Ford Taunus cruised effortlessly down the busy street that afternoon.

Ricky Ricardo was behind the wheel, with an eager smile on his face. His white, short sleeved shirt shone brightly in the sunlight. His young wife, Lucy Ricardo, sat beside him smiling as well. The breeze ruffling, her long red hair tied in a bun. She too wore a white short sleeved shirt. Fred and Ethel Mertz sat behind the young couple: Fred sat right behind Lucy wearing a dark brown suit and tie and a hat, while Ethel sat behind Ricky wearing a sky blue dress, long sleeved dress. All the windows were wide open in the car. Ricky began singing a love story in his native language, as he glanced out the window at a school bus passing by the left side of the Ford. "What time do you have to be at that nightclub again Rick?"Fred asked his much younger friend gruffly. Ricky casually glanced over his shoulder at Fred and then turned his attention back on the road in front of him. "Uh...I have to be there by noon on the dot. And I certainly don't want to be late, "the cuban performer said in his usual thick accent, "the Aja T nightclub is in a pretty remote town...I mean Stepford is off the beaten tracks so to speak." Ricky chuckled as he broke into the cuban love song yet again in his native language. Then he stopped singing and shot a happy glance back at Fred again. Then he turned back to look at the road. "The Aja T wants to have opening night at their new club in Stepford by having the star singer be a bright, new young performer, "Ricky said cheerfully with a grin, "and your truly was available." Ricky pushed his foot down on the accelerator, and the gray Ford picked up a bit of speed down the street, past all the New York office buildings. Some busy morning traffic speeded past the oncoming gray Ford. Lucy turned and smiled at her husband. "Well the Aja T, is offering you ten times more for that opening night performance, than you made in a year with the place your already playing at," Lucy said, "so be sure to make me proud of you." The cool breeze gently moved Ricky's short black hair as he turned to smile at Lucy. He then began singing the cuban love song again in his homeland language. Ethel looked out the window at all the office buildings going past their vehicle. "Well this gig could be real boost for your career Rick, "Ethel said, her face brightening in the morning sunshine, "how long are we going to be in Stepford again?" "Just a week," Ricky answered with a grin, "I'm pressed for time, I only have five days for rehearsals...then opening night is on Friday." Lucy leaned her right arm on the open window. the wind whipping her red hair as the car picked up even more speed. She looked at her husband and broke into a deep smile. "And I'll be there in the audience cheering you on all the way," she said beaming. Ricky turned his head to grin at her, he took his one hand off the steering wheel and slapped his wife's knee. "You'll be dynamite Rick," encouraged Fred with s light smile. "Give it all you got Rick, " included Ethel as she kept looking out the window, "who knows? If your a smash, then mabey you and Lucy will end up relocating to Stepford." Ricky shot a glance back at Ethel with a broad smile. He then turned to smile broadly at Lucy then looked back on the road and broke into the obscure cuban love song again.

The gray Ford Taunus was now speeding down a highway. It whipped down the road faster than ever past the occasional other vehicle going past it.

Inside the car Lucy suddenly got a rather naughty look on her face. "Hey guys, did you hear the one about the duck who was taking tuba lessons, and he got his beak caught in a note in the tuba?" Lucy started laughing calmly. Ricky, and Fred, and Ethel all slowly looked at Lucy with bewildered expressions on their faces. Lucy took on a very perplexed expression and slowly shook her head. "Mabey I got the set up wrong," she said.

The gray Ford Taunus speeded past a giant yellow, circular sign on the road at the left side of the highway. A few trees dotted the landscape on both sides of the highway. IRA LEVIN HIGHWAY STRAIGHT AHEAD, read the big black letters on the yellow sign.

Inside the Ford, the foursome just sat quietly watching the road ahead of them.

Lucy leaned her right arm against the open window and looked out of it. She watched some trees go racing past the car.

The gray Ford moved past a long stretch of highway where the road was in complete shambles. The pavement was covered in deep cracks. There were giant puddles of mud in between the cracks, there was shards of broken glass lying everywhere-a real mess.

Lucy looked out at the messed up stretch of the highway right outside her window, and shook her head in disgust. "That's awful," she said while twitching her mouth and shaking her head, "it's not safe to have the road in a condition like that, "she said with a deep frown,"if the money spent putting those men on the moon, was spent in keeping the roads safe..." Ricky, Fred and Ethel all looked extremely puzzled and three of them slowly looked at the young redhead. "Men on the moon?" Fred asked as he leaned forwards a little bit. "Huh?" Ethel asked, while slowly shaking her head and staring at Lucy, "I don't understand?" Ricky looked at Lucy, then smiled and looked back at the road ahead of him. "Of course, the men on the moon," crooned Ricky sarcastically, "Flash Gordon and Dr. Zarkoff are on a secret mission to recruit members of an alien race to rebel against Ming," Ricky chuckled in his thick cuban accent. Fred and Ethel both broke into laughter. "Oh sure," said Ethel, "the lion-men might show up there as well." Ethel laughed hard. Fred was laughing. "Flash is busy holding off...uh...some dangerous robots in one of the craters!" Fred laughed out the words.

_Lucy woke up with a start. She raised her body up on the white sofa and raised her eyebrows. It was pitch black in the living room. The only light was from the digital clock on the coffee table. Lucy sleepily turned her head to see the digital numbers. 1.45 p.m. read the bright yellow figures. Lucy yawned, then laughed. "Nobody had gone to the moon yet in the fifties when my dream was taking place," the sixty something year old, woman thought to herself, as she slowly lowered her body back down on the white plush sofa again._ _Her long red hair beginning to streak with gray as it flowed down to her shoulders.__ "I wonder if Ricky is still at the club this late again?" she thought to herself as she drifted back off to sleep again, while lying on her stomach. She stretched her arms in front of herself. "He's probably working late again with that pretty secretary of his, Edith. Mabey it's not all work eitheir," she kept thinking suspiciously, while yawning and drifting back off to sleep. She snored louder._

The gray Ford moved slowly down the highway, past the giant sized green sign post standing at the right side of the road. WELCOME TO STEPFORD, read the bright light green words on sign.

Inside the Ford, Ricky looked up, briefly, at the sign, then turned to smile at Lucy. "Now, let's see if I can find our motel..." The cuban's voice and thick accent trailed off as he became lost in thought, as he drove the car very slowly past rows of small store fronts, lining both sides of the road. There were a few cars here and there and afew people walking down the road, walking in and out of the stores. Lucy sat back in her seat with a huge, colourful road map in her hands. She carefully ran her eyes over all the street names. the name STEPFORD was printed in big, black letters at the top of the map. "I'm not good with road maps i'm afraid,"sighed Lucy as she studied the map. In the backseat Ethel lowered her eyebrows and looked squarely at Lucy. "Well Lucy it's not too hard...," Ethel pointed her finger at the map, "blue line is the river, yellow line is the road, orange line is the town hall, etc etc," explained Ethel while craning her neck to look at the map. Lucy just shook her head and sighed. "It's no use, telling me about the colours," she said, disappointed, "everything on this road map looks so unfamiliar to me, I feel right now, as if I'm seeing everything in black and white."

The gray Ford drifted slowly past an orange cafe on the left side of the road in Stepford. STEPFORD BURGERS, read a sign in bright, white block letters situated on the very top of the building.

"There's the Aja T!" Ricky exclaimed, as he pointed his left hand out his open window, while keeping his other hand on the steering wheel. Far to the left of the car. stood a really large, brown two story building with the words AJA T NIGHTCLUB in giant, dark blue cursive letters along the middle of the building. Five cartoon figures of four gorgeous blonde women in red and silver striped dresses, uncovering their arms and shoulders (and one dark skinned one) were situated above the letters, each one with a big grin depicted on their cartoon faces. Ricky broke into a song in his native spanish, as he steered the car towards the nightclub.

At that moment, the car hit a bump in the road, causing everyone to fall back hard into their seats and Lucy to accidentally tear up the whole road map into small pieces. Ricky stopped singing, shot a frustrated glance at Lucy, then looked back at the road again.

The Ford parked right outside the front of the building.

ACT TWO

The foursome all rushed out of the gray vehicle, each one slamming the door behind them. The foursome all headed towards the front of the nightclub. As Lucy walked alongside Ricky, Ricky kept looking sternly at Lucy and shaking his head. "Que esposa tengo,"he kept saying again and again in his thick accent. Lucy looked slightly forlorn. Fred and Ethel walked hurriedly behind the young couple. "Now Ricky, "Lucy said, lowering her lip, "I didn't mean too, but that jolt was really what caused me to do it." Ricky raised both his hands upwards and looked up at the sky for a minute. "Tornillo suelto!" he shouted. he then dropped his hands and slapped his brown pants legs. His black shoes kicked up some dirt as he pushed opened the door to the nightclub. A cartoon figure of a grinning pretty black woman in a short sleeved, purple dress, doing a dance number (her legs looked to be moving in different directions and she was snapping her cartoon fingers) was painted on the door of the club. "Try not to punch the owner in the mouth Lucy," Fred joked.

The foursome walked down the dimly lit brown hallway and into the main nightclub area. The walls were dark brown with light brown stripes. There were silver coloured tables and chairs. A lavender stage was situated at the front of the club. A good looking, middle aged man in a dark business suit,short dark hair and a moustache sat on the stage. He made a smile as he laid eyes on Ricky Ricardo walking into the club. He reached out his hand as he approached the thirty something cuban band leader. "Ricky Ricardo I presume," the man grinned and greeted as Ricky shook his hand, also grinning, "I'm the owner of the club, Ben Swaftly." "Pleased to meet you," Ricky said, grinning, as he took his hand away, "this is my wife Lucy." He nodded his head at Lucy standing at his side. Lucy grinned at the owner. "Hello, Mr. Swaftly," said Lucy simply. Ricky turned his head to look at Fred and Ethel standing behind him. "And this are my friends Fred and Ethel Mertz." "Nice to meet all of you," Mr. Swaftly said with a nod. He looked a bit confused. "I didn't expect four of you," he added. "Well Ricky sometimes needs all the help he get when he's out with his wife," Fred joked with a smile. Lucy shot a stern glance at Fred then turned to smile at the club owner. "Is it true that Bing Crosby is going to be performing here in a few monthes?" Lucy asked Mr. Swaftly excitedly with a grin. The nightclub just nodded his head and smiled. "Yeah he's all booked up. Later in the year we hope to have Hoggy Carmicheal and the Andrew Sisters. But for now, I think we should concentrate on our star performer for this week, Ricky Ricardo." The two men grinned happily at each other. "Wall listen Mr. Swaftly, "Ricky said as he looked about himself, "what say we all get settled into our motel, then I'll come back to start rehearsals with the other band members," the cuban band leader suggested in a cheerful tone. Mr. Swaftly grinned and clapped his hands. "Splendid," he said, "be back in one hour. Rehearsals always start at one..."

Ricky, Lucy, and Fred and Ethel walked together into the large, motel room. The room had purple walls and lovely antique looking brown furniture. The motel room was quite large. Lucy walked all around the room , gazing at everything with a dazed look in her eyes. "It's...fan...tastic..." she said as she slowly looked all around herself, entranced by her surroundings. Ricky and Fred and Ethel also all began wandering slowly about the motel room, their eyes taking on a dazed expression. "Out of sight," expressed Ethel. "Wow," said Fred as he looked at a large painting/a portrait of a young man dressed in eighteenth century, yellow clothing, a powdered wig. The caption underneath the painting read-CLIFF MONROE-THE FIRST MAYOR OF STEPFORD.

Then, Lucy accidentally tripped and knocked over a large, glass statute of a slim, ballerina standing on her tiptoes of her left foot, which was situated on a black coffee table. The glass figure shattered into several tiny pieces. Ricky turned his head and scowled at his wife. He pouted and put his hands on his hips. Lucy looked down at the floor with embarrassment. "Oh dear,' she said. Fred and Ethel both looked surprised at Lucy. "LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" shouted Ricky. "Not bad, we've only been in Stepford for like half an hour," Fred said sarcastically. Ethel just shook her head and then rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Why didn't you just drop it out the window on someone's head," Fred joked with a smirk. Lucy raised her shoulders and pushed her hands into dark blue pants pockets. Her dark blue boots clicked together. "I guess I'm just a bit nervous about your opening night and all, "Lucy said making excuses.

Just then, what looked to be the motel cleaning woman came walking slowly and casually into the large, nice looking room. The young looking, very pretty woman with short red hair, and wearing a flowing, white short sleeved dress with a tan apron over the dress walked into the room with a very unemotional expression on her face, and looked down quickly at the broken glass. She had a large bust and an almost perfect figure. "Oh my," she said in a monotone type of voice, looking down at the glass and then kneeling down, "that's no good." Ricky just shook his head in frustration. "I know, what a mess," Ricky said as he looked down at the broken glass, his hands still on his hips, "I guess you'll get a broom and a dustbin? I don't know how much that glass statute cost, but I'll pay for the damage..."

To Ricky's, and Fred's, and Ethel's and Lucy's astonished eyes, the motel cleaning women kneeled down to the glass and scooped up all the glass in her hands-and there were large, jagged sharp pieces there-and carried the glass out of her hands and stood up and turned to walk out of the motel room. "No...problem people," the young looking woman said as she left the room, "I'm always available to make sure that carpets are vacuumed, that the beds are made, that the ash trays are empty, that the kitchen counter is cleaned, that the windows are washed, that the clothes are put away, that dust is all vacuumed up, that the light bulbs are changed, that dirty dishes are washed and dried, that..." the woman's weird monotone, unemotional voice faded away as she could be heard walking down the hallway of the motel.

The foursome all looked ate each other with very puzzled expressions. "How about that?" asked Ethel, bewildered. Lucy just shook her head, perplexed. "Strangest motel maid I ever saw," she noticed in an uneasy tone of voice. Ricky just looked puzzled at the open doorway where the maid had just gone through. His mouth dropped open slowly. "How about that?" he said, sounding more than a little surprised, "whoever saw a cleaning woman that efficient? I never saw one that gorgeous one we got back at the club in New York is some seventy year old, gray haired, knobbly knee, overweight bad tempered bitch who always leaves at least one soda pop can lying on the floor." Ricky dropped his hands to his sides.

Just then, Lucy, still in a very surprised state, took a few steps backwards and knocked a small brown book shelf in the middle of the room, scattering the books then slipped and fell backwards on all the books. Fred and Ethel just sighed and looked up with exasperation at the ceiling. "C'mon Ethel lets get out of here and check out our own motel rooms before Lucy brings down the roof!" Ricky just looked down stunned at Lucy, as Fred and Ethel both exited the room while shaking their heads.

Just then, the pretty red haired cleaning woman stepped back into the motel and looked around at all the books scattered about everywhere. Her face remained totally expressionless. "Oh no," she said at last as she bent down and began picking up all the books, "I'm on call 24/7, I'm always available to make sure that carpets are vacuumed, that the beds are made, that the ash trays are empty, that the kitchen counter is cleaned, that the windows are washed, that the clothes are put away, that dust is all vacuumed up, that the light bulbs are changed, that dirty dishes are washed and dried..." Lucy stood up. Ricky and Fred and Ethel just stood and watched surprised at how fast the pretty red haired cleaning woman picked up all the books and put them all back in the shelf, her face completely drained of all emotion.

Ricky stood in the middle of the stage in the Aja T nightclub a short time later looking over al the band members standing about the stage all dressed casually in blue jeans, or slacks or white t shirts or pullovers all of them standing behind giant sized drums, and each one holding a musical instrument in their hands-a tuba, a guitar, a tambourine, violin. Ricky nervously held up his arms in front of everyone. "Ok everyone!" he shouted to the group in his thick cuban accent, "let's give it a try one more time!"

Lucy sat at a table far behind the stage at the back of the nightclub, smiling and clapping excitedly. "GO GET EM MY HUSBAND!" she shouted.

Just then Mr. Swaftly, the club owner, and one other gentleman-a middle aged chinese man with longish hair and wearing a black business suit- walked into the club, and walked onto the stage and walked right up behind Ricky. Ricky glanced behind himself, and turned around and smiled at Mr. Swaftly. "Ricky, this is Mr. Yow, "the club owner introduced the serious looking chinese man to Ricky. Both men shook hands. "You can call me Connie is you like," the chinese man said with a rather sinister looking smile, "it's a nickname." "Really?' asked Rick, removing his hand and nodding at the middle aged chinese gentleman. "Mr. Yow used to work at Coney Island," the club owner explained to Ricky in a serious tone of voice.

Lucy sat there watching the three men chatting quietly amongst themselves, with a slightly curious look on her young face. "We'd like you to join the Men's Association," the sinister looking chinese man in the dark business suit said almost in a whisper into Rickey's ear. Lucy watched as Ricky cocked his head to hear what Mr. Yow was telling him. "Mr. Yow is the president of the Men's Association, "Mr. Swaftly told the cuban bandleader with a slight smile, "he also is the founder of Yow Electronics in Stepford." Ricky nodded in affirminative. Lucy just sat there watching the activity on stage. A curious expression deepening on her face. Ricky's eyes widened in shock as he heard what Mr. Yow was now whispering in his ear. Ricky's eyes opened even wider and he looked with shock into space. He looked like any minute he might fall over. Lucy just sat quietly watching the whole quiet affair.

Then, a cocktail waitress walked up to Lucy's table. The thirty something year old, long black haired woman in a skimpy black, short sleeved dress with the words AJA T NIGHTCLUB printed in bright yellow block letters across her dress, leaned over Lucy's table holding a notepad and a pen in both her hands. "Hi," she said with a smile, "what'll it be?" Lucy looked up at the cocktail waitress. "Uh...welll...what have you got?" The woman just smiled and looked down at Lucy. "We have Boozy Suzie, Salty martini, gimlet, mojito, blow my skull off, Tom and Jerry, death in the afternoon..." Lucy looked slowly away from the pretty, dark haired cocktail waitress and looked back at her husband on stage chatting in whispered tones with the sinister looking chinese gentlemen and the nightclub owner. Mr. Yow kept on whispering something in Ricky's ear and Ricky kept looking more and more and more surprised at what he was saying. His eyes were wide as ever. "I'll have the Tom and Jerry," Lucy answered to the cocktail waitress, who then jotted down the order on her notepad, "I'd like to see the one where they're running after one another all over that castle. Hahahahaha." The dark haired cocktail waitress looked down with surprise at Lucy, shook her head and then walked off.

Lucy watched as Ricky looked more than a little shocked and very very slowly walked away from Mr. Yow and Mr. Swaftly and moved past the band members and walked to the back of the stage. He leaned his palms against the back wall of the stage and just stood there, quietly facing the wall. "Are you in Ricky?" Mr. Swaftly asked the cuban band leader gently. Ricky didn't say anything but just nodded. "Oh my God," he said, harshly while shaking his head.

Mr. Swaftly and Mr. Yow then turned and saw Lucy sitting at the table way in the back of the nightclub. the two men approached her table, smiling. "Mrs. Ricardo," Mr. Swaftly said politely to Lucy, who just sat at her table looking very puzzled, "this is Mr. Yow, he just met Ricky he wanted to meet you also," said the nightclub owner to Lucy. Lucy looked with apprehension at the chinese gentlemen who just nodded to her, and broke into a creepy smile. "That's the creepiest smile I ever saw," Lucy thought to herself, nervously. "How do you do Mrs. Ricardo, "Mr. Yow said to her in a polite but rather not nice tone of voice with his smile becoming even more creepier by the second. "Mr. Yow can I ask you something?" Lucy inquired to the sinister looking chinese gentlemen in the dark business suit. Mr. Yow just nodded. Lucy said quietly, "did you just kidnap a baby or something?" Mr. Yow and Mr. Swaftly both raised their eyebrows in surprise and quickly allowed sharp glances at each other. "I'll need all the usual setups-her vocal recordings, sketches and photos of her,...uh..." Mr. Yow turned his head to look at Lucy while resting his chin on his fist, "oh and I'll need to know her exact height and weight." Mr. Swaftly began to look very worried, as he looked both at Lucy then at Mr. Yow then back at Lucy again. "Uh...look Connie," he said very very quietly into the chinese man's ear, "we should continue this talk in private, we don't want her getting suspicous and putting two and two together." Mr. Yow chuckled. "From the looks of her I doubt it," he said, looking straight down at red head who just looked perplexed up at him, "I doubt it," he chuckled.

Lucy and Ethel walked down a nearly deserted street in the town of Stepford that cloudy afternoon. they walked slowly and aimlessly past rows and rows stores-everything from a small grocery store, to a small thrift store, past the Stepford library. Ethel wore a dark red, long sleeved dress, dark red gloves and carried her purse with both hands, while Lucy wore a white coat and an orange dress underneath. She too carried a purse with both hands. She also wore dark red gloves. "Say Ethel, what's with that Men's Association?" Lucy asked her friend after a time, "Ricky joined the other day and now he spends some of his evenings there." Ethel looked with surprise at Lucy. "You're kidding right?' she asked Lucy. She looked very unnerved as well, "Fred got approached the other day to join that group, and he's been spending all his nights there as well." Lucy looked surprised back at Ethel. "Well what do the guys do there anyways?" she wondered out loud with a smile, "it's kinda weird." Ethel looked at Lucy then looked upwards and pointed to something in the distance. "That's the building there," Ethel directed her friend, as both women looked off into the distance and saw a large, brown bricked mansion situated on a grassy hill way in back of the town of Stepford, "Fred got approached by that Mr. Yow to join, but I can't imagine why. What do they do in the club of theirs? I can't imagine. They smoke cigars and talk sports? They play backgammon? They watch x-ra..." "Uh Ethel," Lucy interrupted, "let's just let the men have their own business shall we?" Ethel just shrugged her shoulders.

An elderly looking Avon lady in a green dress and long gray hair walked past the two women. Lucy and Ethel both said hello to her and just kept on walking. "It isn't just that that that's weird Lucy, it's all the women in this town or many of them, "Ethel told her friend with a curious look on her face. The two of them were walking into a small black drugstore-STEPFORD PHARMACY, it said in huge, yellow letters above the front door of the store, "many of the women in Stepford behave so odd. They seem to be just focused on cleaning, and keeping their homes in order, and what colour their carpets are and how clean they are. And they never show any emotion and they're all so gorgeous. " Lucy just nodded. "Well that would suit Ricky just fine, "Lucy added jokingly.

The pair walked through the drugstore and looked about at all the shelves stocked full of pills. "I have to pickup some aspirin for Fred," Ethel told Lucy in a funny kind of way, "he's always complaining about the spring pollen."

The two were greeted at the counter by a young, gorgeous, long blonde haired, blue eyed woman in a white, short sleeve buttoned up shirt. The woman smiled warmly at Lucy and Ethel. "May I help you two ladiees?" the woman at the counter asked kindly. She was one of the most beautiful women Lucy had ever seen. "Yes, we're looking for some aspirin," Ethel said to the clerk. The gorgeous, big busted blonde smiled and walked around from behind the counter. Lucy and Ethel followed behind her. "Well we have all kinds of aspirin in stock in here," the woman said in an unemotional, tone of voice. She wore white pants and boots. The words STEPFORD PHARMACY was printed yellow block letters across the back of her white shirt, "this is the most clean, most tidy drugstore you'll ever find in all of Stepford, "the woman kept going on and on while Lucy and Ethel cautiously followed her through the store, "I clean the floors of this store every morning, I scrub the walls if they're dirty, I vacuum the carpet almost 24/7, I sweep up any dust on the floor into the dustbin, I wash all the jars of pills to make sure all of them are completely spotless, I wash the glass jars to make sure they are completely spotless and sparkling, I keep everything in place, I iron all the staff outfits after hours, I clean the bathrooms here..." Ethel made a very nervous glance at Lucy who looked equally nervous back at Ethel, "Lucy, you see what I mean? Let's just get out of here," Ethel whispered in fear to Lucy. Lucy just nodded back to Ethel. "I...uh...agree Ethel let's just get out of here right now!" Lucy whispered the words back to her friend in a tone of rising fear, "something is really wrong with the women in this town, you were right!"

Lucy and Ethel broke into a fast run towards the entrance of the drugstore. As they ran, Lucy suddenly tripped and fell face first into one of the huge shelves packed with pills of all kinds. Lucy, and the whole shelf collapsed down on the floor, and all the little jars of pills scattered everywhere all over the store.

Lucy just lay there stunned for a minute. Ethel just stood there staring down at Lucy looking even more stunned.

The weird behaving saleslady just smiled and strolled over to the fallen shelf and bent down and began picking up all the jars and setting the shelf upright again. Lucy stood up. The saleswoman just speedily put all the jars back on the shelf again, with a big smile. "No problem there," crooned the odd acting saleswoman as she quickly restocked the whole shelf, very fast and very carefully, her hands moved at lightening speed, "it's my job here," the woman said in a totally, unemotional tone of voice, "accidents will happen you know. Have a nice day ladies." The woman kept on speaking in her monotone tone of voice. Lucy and Ethel made another run towards the entrance of the drugstore.

Just then, Lucy slipped on one of the jars of pills lying on the floor and fell face first again into another large, fully stocked shelf full of all kinds of jars of pills-the jars of all different colours. The shelf fell over and all the jars went flying everywhere all over the whole drugstore. Lucy just lay there dazed for a second. She was completely covered in jars of pills. Ethel just stood there, looking down at the clumsy red head, looking very surprised. "Can I get you a pair of roller skates Lucy?" Ethel asked her friend jokingly.

Lucy quickly got up off the fallen shelf, and brushed all the jars of pills off of her. Some of the lids had come off of the jars and capsules and there were pills of all different colours lying about everywhere. Lucy swallowed deeply and then made a shocked expression on her face. "Ethel, I think I just accidentally...oh boy...I swallowed five of the tranquilizer pills," Lucy admitted to Ethel, frowning. She crinched her face together. "Let's just get out of here Lucy!" Ethel implored her friend while tugging on Lucy's arm with both hands, "I got a real creepy feeling about this druggist. All the women in Stepford are mabey under some evil influence!"

The odd behaving saleswomen in the drugstore just looked down at the fallen shelf, and all the newly spilled pills of all different colours and just broke into a wide smile. "No problem there," the woman crooned as she bent down and began putting all the pills back into their respective capsules, and putting the lids back on the jars, and putting all the small jars of pills back on the shelf, and then she set the huge shelf upright again, with little effort. Lucy and Ethel just looked down at the weird salewoman in shock, their mouths drooping open. "It's my job here," the woman said once again in a completely unemotional tone of voice, "accidents will happen you know. Have a nice day ladies." the woman just kept speaking in her monotone tone of voice, while she put the shelf back in order.

Lucy and Ethel ran in fright out the entrance of the drug store.

Outside the drug store, through the huge window in front of the store, Lucy and Ethel could be seen by the saleswoman, just standing there facing each other and talking nervously and frantically amongst themselves, Ethel stood at the left while Lucy stood at the right, all the while Lucy acted like she was becoming very, very very, VERY dizzy and woozy and her lips moved very, very slowly as she spoke to Ethel. Her whole whole mouth just seemingly appeared to be drooping. The redhead spun her body around and made a funny, slow, walk towards the entrance of the drug store yet again! Lucy looked like she was utterly lost and disorientated as she bent her body into an funny capital L shape and, walked with her knees bent and her moving far apart at regular intervals. She cocked her head from side to side as she dazedly put her hands to her head. Ethel just stood there, looking scared and trying to grab hold of Lucy with both hands.

Lucy suddenly crashed through the whole plate glass window, and went falling back into the drugstore. AS she fell into the drugstore, she also fell upon another really large, brown, heavy wooden counter stocked full of small jars of pills. The very large, heavy wooden counter fell down on the floor and all the variously coloured jars of pills and capsules went flying everywhere all over the store.

Ethel jumped into the store, through the smashed glass window, and looked down with much concern at the half asleep looking Lucy, who just lay there-looking very very much like she was in a trance-completely covered in jars of pills again yet again.

Ethel then slipped on one of the jars of pills and fell down ontop of Lucy, and in the process accidentally pushed over yet another large brown shelf stocked full of small jars of pills. The shelf fell over and all the jars went flying about the store. The whole store was just a mess of disorganized jars of pills. The lids had come off all of the jars now and there were pills of all shapes and sizes and colours lying about everywhere on the carpet of the store.

The weird acting saleswoman in the drugstore, just smiled at the sight of the accident and quickly bent down and began picking up all the jars and putting the pills back in the right jars at break neck speed. "No problem there," the woman smiled as she spoke in her usual unemotional tone of voice, "accidents will happen you know. Have a nice day ladies."

The saleswoman slipped on one of the jars and fell down ontop of Lucy and Ethel. She dropped all the jars, the lids fell off again and the pills all fell about everywhere.

Ethel quickly got to her feet and dragged Lucy by her left foot, as fast she could, across the floor of the drugstore, towards the entrance once again.

The pretty saleswoman immediately got back on her feet, and smiled at the backs of the fleeing women. Lucy lay on her back, her mouth open, spit coming out of her mouth, her eyes glazed over. "UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she moaned in her trance like state, "I hope mom will like Ricky when I finally introduce them at dinner tonight," she said very slowly. "That will be 2.30 for the tranquillizers," said the smiling saleswoman.

ACT THREE

Later that night, Lucy was sitting alone, calmly in the plush brown armchair in the motel room. She just sat there silently for a few minutes. "I should be at Ricky's performance at the Aja T, but I just don't want to go," she said quietly and uneasily to herself, "this Stepford thing has got me just too scared to do anything."

She slid off the chair, got to her feet and walked swiftly across the motel room and whipped open the door. She then bounded across the brightly, brown walled hallway of the motel and opened the door of the room right across the hall. "Ethel?!" she called anxiously into the room, "Ethel!?" She walked with much energy through the motel room which looked virtually identical to the one she and Ricky were staying, "Ethel!" she called out again, "Ethel I think that you and I should just get out of Stepford right now! Tonight! With or without Fred and Ricky! Ethel!?" "I'm in the kitchen!" Ethel's voice called out. Lucy raced to the kitchen of the large, luxury looking motel room

In the yellow kitchen Ethel stood wiping a rag, over the kitchen counter. She was standing behind the counter and she looked at Lucy with a very strange look in her eyes. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. You know Lucy? I spilled something on the counter today, and I can't stand leaving messes like that. You know? I keep thinking about what poor cleaning lady would have to clean up after me." Lucy looked with shock and hurt and disappointment at her friend. "Ethel, it's happened to you now?" Lucy asked, frightened now as she took a careful step or two towards the counter, "like the other women in Stepford it's happened to you now too?" Ethel looked directly at Lucy and made a twisted smile at her. "You know Lucy, when we get back to New York, I think it might be time I paid alot more attention to keeping the apartment alot cleaner. I better focus more of my attention on vacuuming the floors, and doing more of the laundry, and keeping the ktichen sparkling clean and spotless." Lucy shook her head in fear and put her hands on her face.

Ethel walked around the counter and walked past Lucy and into the living area of the motel room. "You know Lucy, instead of going to Rick's night at the Aja T, I think I'll just sit here and watch tv all night long," Ethel giggled as she headed out of the kitchen. Lucy ran after her. "Ethel!" she called after her friend, breaking out in cold sweat now, "what's happened to you?"

Ethel switched on the small tv set on the brown bookcase in the motel room. A black and white film of a boxing match appeared on the screen. Ethel lay down on her back on the tan sofa in the room and stared transfixed at the tv. Lucy just stood at the back of the room utterly stunned. "I'm going to lie here and watch tv all night long," said Ethel smiling," oh then tomorrow I'll still be just lying here and watching tv all day long." Ethel just kept watching the black and white boxing match on tv, a big smile broadening over her face, "and when we get back to New York I'll mabey watch tv all day long there too in the apartment!" Ethel lay back comfortably on the sofa. Lucy just stood there silently, watching her friend with a horrified expression on her young features, "I mean first I will have all my chores to do-vacuuming the carpet, doing the laundry, ironing all of Fred's shirts, sweeping up the dust from the kitchen, but it's a tiny apartment, and it won't take long and afterwards I can just sit in the living room of our apartment and watch tv all day long, then all night long, then all day long." Ethel stretched back on the sofa and put her arms behind her head. "Just sit in my tiny apartment and mainly watch tv all day long," Ethel repeated pleasureably with a deep smile, staring right at the tv, "now I can enjoy a life of doing nothing but watching tv."

Lucy turned away from Ethel, and ran in fear from the motel room as fast as her legs would carry her. "AWWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Ethel from the room, "THE ONE BOXER IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT!"

Lucy ran into the street, into the night. All around her she saw strange, gorgeous young women with big busts and great figures all walking slowly towards her down the street. The women all wore long flowing , long sleeved dresses of primary colours-red, blue, green, orange, yellow, purple, white. The women all called:"IT"S YOUR TURN TO JOIN THE STEPFORD WOMEN LUCYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" the women all smiled warmly, but spoke in monotone voice, "AND DON'T FORGET TO PUT IN PLENTY OF SOAP WHEN WASHING THE DISHES!" the robotic women all called and reminded her.

Lucy ran aimelessly through the night streets of Stepford screaming in fear.

She turned suddenly and ran in another direction from the women, who all began running after her now-their legs moving in a very bizarre kind of gait.

Lucy ran into the Aja T. She ran through the entrance, and down the hallway and into the nightclub where she saw Ricky dancing on stage in white tuxedo, and the band behind him, also all wearing eitheir white tuxedos or white dresses. The club was jam packed with people in the audience, looking like they loved every minute of the performance on stage. The band was playing some cuban, rhumba musical number which Ricky moved his body wildly too, his steps moving in accordance with each beat. He shot a brief concerned glance at Lucy then then looked down on the stage floor as he danced. Lucy stood quietly in the club for a minute and watched her husband then turned around, admidst the whole crowd of people sitting there in the Aja T that night clapping and cheering Ricky on eagerly.

Lucy turned around and raced out of the club. She was crying now.

Lucy ran all over the streets of the town of Stepford. The strange walking and acting women in the primary colored dresses were all running at Lucy from all directions now. "YOU CAN'T GET AWAY LUCY!" the women all called in their weird, emotionless, montone voices, "YOU BECOME ONE OF US! YOUR APARTMENT NEEDS ALOT OF VACUUMING WHEN YOU GET BACK!" Lucy was crying like a baby as she stopped running as all the women of Stepford gathered around her.

"Accept it Mrs. Ricardo!" Lucy spun around and saw Mr. Yow and Mr. Swaftly standing there, both smiling in a very creepy way at her. Mr. You squinted his eyes at Lucy. "It's just the next step Lucy," he said in a sinister, chilling kind of way, "we do it in Stepford because we can." Lucy was crying and screaming hysterically now.

"IT'S YOUR TURN NOW LUCY!" Lucy spun around again and saw Fred standing there, in a short sleeved blue flannel shirt and black pants. Fred had a very scary, twisted expression on his face, "Ethel had hers now it's your turn Lucy!" Fred said the words in a scary tone of voice.

The Stepford women and Fred and Mr. Swaftly and Mr. Yow all slowly gathered and encircled Lucy now, who was still crying uncontrollably. "I...don't...want...to...be...a house frau!" she cried, tears streaming down her face, "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"IT'S FOR THE BEST HONEY!" Lucy spun around again and saw Ricky standing there in his white tuxedo. A scary looking, twisted, creepy grin forming over his handsome, youthful, latin features, "WE WANT A GORGEOUS AIR HEADS WAITING ON US ALL DAY LONG!" exclaimed Ricky in a very chilling tone and manner of speaking, "WITH YOU I WAS QUITE CLOSE ALREADY!" Ricky made an evil sounding, frightening sneer, as he spoke the terrifying words in his thick cuban accent.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Lucy cried hysterically.

"OH, AND MAKE SURE THE OVEN IN YOUR APARTMENT IS CLEANED!" one of the Stepford women called out, in a monotone voice.

ACT FOUR-Lucy stood in her bathroom looking at herself in the mirror. She wore a beautiful white dress and several blue necklaces, her red hair cut very very short, her breasts much bigger. She was continually running lipstick over her mouth over and over and over and over and over and OVER AGAIN! Her mouth was now looking like a great, big bright red clown face! The redness went up to her cheekbones. She had a weird look in her eyes. "I...want...to...look...especially...gorgeous...for...Ricky..."

EPILOGUE

_Lucy woke up in the dark living room, and jumped up off the white plush sofa. Her sixty something year old features sweating like mad! Her long red hair, now streaked with gray, flowing down to her shoulders. She just stood in the dark living room and looked at the digital clock on the coffee table. 3.45 a.m. read the numbers. _

_She heard the door to the house being unlocked. She heard the front door opening. "Lucy, I'm home!" Ricky's voice calling out from the darkness in his thick cuban accent, 'sorry I was so late at the club!"_

_She looked ahead and could barely makeout in the darkness, the long gray hair and beard and dark blue tuxedo. She breathed a sigh of relief'-"it was just a dream"-she thought to herself, "back to being a band leader's wife, instead of a haus frau," she thought amused to herself._


End file.
